crestSo I was out to lunch with Lara the other day (Lara, Queen of the Peripherals) and I noticed that her teeth were a shocking shade of white. Now I am a full supporter of dental hygiene, and I think I take pretty good care of my teeth. Well, except for the copious amounts of coffee that I drink on a given day. She said she was using those whitening strips, so I decided to pick up a pack on the way home. Last night I tried them.

The entire experience was very upsetting.

For starters, the instructions are not very good. I can install additional RAM on my G5 myself, set up a home network and dress myself in the morning, but apparently these strips are beyond my realm of comprehension. I got the whitening goo all over my hands. It’s not like you have to apply the goo to the strips, it’s already there. I just couldn’t manage getting them on my teeth.

According to the pamphlet, the strips can cause “sensitivity.” No, really? About 5 minutes in, I began experiencing the worst feeling EVER in my mouth, which was that of biting into an ice cream cone with your front teeth. Know what I’m talking about? Not the mention the fact that my mouth could not stop salivating when the strips were in. I was drooling and groaning in agony like some kind of Crest zombie.
Basically, after a week of this, I had better see some freaking results.

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