This is a hilarious email going around, that was sent to me by Jimmy. It reminds me a little bit of the History of Blogging, except more in-depth. While the cat’s post goes over the 140 character Twitter limit, it’s still hysterical.

“Excerpts from a Dog’s Twitter”
8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
12:00pm - Lunch! My favorite thing!
1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
5:00 pm - Milk bones! My favorite thing!
7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!

“Excerpts from a Cat’s Twitter”
Day 983 of my captivity. My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.

Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a “good little hunter” I am. There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of “allergies.” I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage.

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow — but at the top of the stairs. I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded. The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicate with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe. For now…

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Congrats to Glugory and his entry, “Invisible bo staff!” He’s the winner of the lolcat contest, with 22% of the vote! Nice work!

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I’ve selected my favorite lolcats that you’ve submitted, and now it’s time for you to vote!
So, in no particular order:

1. Shooz r mine, by Pierre

2. I r teh neo, by Josh

3. Podcats, by Kato

4. i ate ur harry potter, by James

5. Kittyzilla, by Kathryn

6. Bring me Atreyu, by Kwahhn

7. Invisible bo staff, by Glugory

8. We file a complaint, by Twisty

[poll=3]

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As many of you know, I’m obsessed with internet memes. I particularly enjoy cat macros (also known as lolcats), and so I thought it was high time that Mr. Littlejeans was made into a lolcat. I’ve made one as an example:

Unfortunately, I lack the natural gift to make hilarious cat jokes myself, so I look to you for help. Come up with a good lolcat and I’ll post it here, or just write the text in the comments area. You have permission to use any of my cat photos for this purpose, so if you’d rather use Devo instead of Littlejeans, then by all means! I guess there isn’t really a winner or anything, but you get link love if you have a photo that I post here. Just for fun and all, but maybe I’ll do a poll next week, and we can all pick the crowd favorites.

For reference, here’s my new favorite blog I Can Has Cheezburger? and the biggest directory of lolcats I’ve ever seen, Kattalogen.

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