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How to kill a man with a Nano
141. Break it in half with your hands (very easy to do) and use the glass viewing screen’s broken edge as a razorblade to slice the jugular when they are looking the other way.
2. Take off one sock (a dress or tube sock; pantyhose will work in a pinch), place the Nano in the sock, swing it around as fast as you can (being careful to not hit yourself), and whack the intended target right on the temple.
3. Take the reflective shiny part and catch the sun’s ray and shine it in a vehicle driver’s eyes, or if you are at a rock concert and the lead singer is prancing around on a center stage that protrudes into the audience like a phallus, you can use the same technique.
For five more suggestions, visit the article in McSweeney’s that I stole these from!
The apple doesn’t fall too far…
125 years ago
From Compute! Issue 46 – March 1984
Peripherals In The Year 1999
Kathy Yakal, Editorial Assistant
Is it compatible with my computer? Will I need to buy extra cables? What if I decide to buy a different computer a year from now?can I still use the same modem? The issues of standardization and compatibility are likely to change in the next decade. What’s more, new technologies are continually appearing in each new generation of peripherals.
Purchasing the right peripherals for your computer can be complicated. The buyer must make some complex technical choices: IEEE-488. Hayes-compatible. RS-232. Requires 80-column card. Requires special cables (available separately). IBM-compatible.
A Package Deal
One possible response to the compatibility problem is to avoid third-party hardware manufacturers and buy everything for your system from the company which made your computer.
Coleco encourages this with their new Adam system. “The reason we’re offering a package concept is that we perceived a great deal of confusion in the home,market,” says Barbara Wruck, director of corporate communications at Coleco. “Many consumers were buying inexpensive CPU’s, only to find out that that’s all they had?a CPU.
“It’s important to give the new computer owner every piece of equipment that lets them do it immediately, a system that is useful, easy to operate, and affordable.” As an Adam owner grows in knowledge and needs new equipment, says Wruck, Coleco will continue to produce “carefully selected peripherals” to expand the power of the system.
Is this the answer to peripheral problems? “I think the consumer is saying that it is,” says Wruck. “We believe this is the correct approach.”
Why am I quoting this magazine article from almost 22 years ago? Because Barbara Wruck is my mom. Hell, I think her ideas make sense! The author doesn’t seem to:
Buying any computer, disk drive, printer, and modem and having them work together at once might seem like high-tech heaven, but it’s not likely to happen.
So funny. As a side note, I come from a toy/gaming family: Mom worked at Coleco, Dad worked at Hasbro, and my grandfather worked for Parker Brothers (where my mom had her first job). I guess it’s in my blood.
Wikka wikka wikka!
18This is probably the greatest (and possibly most embarrassing) thing I have ever heard. I’ve learned two lessons: never rap on the podcast, and never call myself Ronnie.
Thanks, underbiteman!
Laser beams!
9This conversation is in regards to the photo in my last post:
[16:15] Mom: oh that is a terrible picture. why are you so unhappy?
[16:16] Veronica: hahahaha
[16:16] Veronica: i’m just glaring
[16:16] Veronica: for fun
[16:17] Mom: hehehehe – you got that from me. Even tho John has never been afraid of me the only time he was when I made this special face and he would get a worried look and say “dont look at me with those devil eyes!”
[16:17] Mom: he really did not like it. I bet you can do it too. It is a family trait!!
[16:17] Mom: I wish I could make laser beams come out of mine.
[16:18] Veronica: lol!!
My mom totally just said that she wished she could make laser beams come out of her eyes. That’s so awesome. Last AIM conversation I post, I swear it!